haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
