Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
