Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
