So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
