My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
