Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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