The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
