There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
