so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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