whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
