Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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