At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
