I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
