WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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