I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
