Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
