I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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