Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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