i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
