You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
