So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They have beer where we have blood.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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