im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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