What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
