Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
