I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
