Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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