his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
