I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
