He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
