I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
