giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
