We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
