Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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