There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
