the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
