Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
