The maid of honor just puked.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
