at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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