Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just googled if crying burns calories
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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