there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
