your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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