i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
