I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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