i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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