who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
