your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
