I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
