this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
