is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
