dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Found your dick twin last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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