Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to make a zoo with you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
