spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
