She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
