Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
