After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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